Monday Morning Alex,

Today was a true Monday morning. Up shortly after daybreak, downstairs for coffee, and setting the plan for the day. Bill and I agreed, he would repair the remaining broken chairs and I would work on the “list” for the boys bathroom. Took a before breakfast walk to check out the bathroom and to come up with a list of materials and tools. In the bathroom with pen and paper in hand I realized I had forgotten a measuring tape, back to the store room for the tape. Trip number one! Back to the bathroom. Took the needed measurements and compiled a mental plan for the day. Back to the shop. Trip number two! The distance from the bathroom to the shop is approximately 200 yards. In Haiti nothing is ever easy. Whether it is working, sleeping, showering, meals (God Bless the wonderful staff), going to the store, or whatever. I could be described by others as a “somewhat of a put it in it’s place kind of guy” and what I found in the shop was a little out of my comfort zone. I spent about the first day and a half this Monday morning trying to find my listed items for a job that should only take an hour or two. Most of the items on my paper list and mental list were not to be found be it materials or tools. Change of plans. Change number one! The breakfast bell. Thank God, I needed a break. Back to the two hour job. Ten hours later, after trip number 50 or 60 and change number ? I had proudly installed three 3’ by 3’ plywood doors on the boys stalls. I am so glad tomorrow is Tuesday, in an hour or two I should have the screen door repaired and rehung, the toilet seat installed, and the rod and shower curtains hung on the three showers. Got the list in my head. ( Next trip I’m driving my work van down here!)

I thank God for the busy day. The first thing I did this Monday morning was to visit my child Alex. I’m glad my mind was occupied for most of the day with my small part of this trip because it kept me from wondering whether this child was going to pull through and become a part of Haiti or be carried into the arms of Jesus. Although I tried to block out what I had experienced yesterday when Alex was placed in my arms, I could not, he was already a part of me. He was on my mind all day which most likely accounted for many of the extra trips and changes.      The hardest part of Haiti is living. Over my career I have held dead children, but I have never held a child that was so dead in my arms, still breathing, and looking at me with such a stare of death through exhausted eyes. Nothing I write can explain the experience of yesterday. I checked on Alex tonight and there isn’t much change, this time I prayed, not that he would survive or not that he would be carried into God’s Kingdom away from this hell, but a prayer of thanks to God that He is the one that has to make that decision. One last thought before the cold shower and bed. I will be asking everyone I know and a lot of those I don’t to support New Life Rescue Center by sponsoring a child and or a monetary donation. All of us can do without something, a couple of bottles of wine a month, morning Latte’s, dinner out, use your imagination it’s not difficult. Personally we sponsor four children and who knows, if he lives, maybe a fifth. Other than driving my van down here next trip, I wish that I could carry Alex back and gently lay him in your arms right before I ask you for the money. Maybe I will, he’s already in my heart!

God Bless, 

Tim G.

How does it feel to hold a dying child?

Sunday, day of rest and praises. Sunday service with the children was quite refreshing. Pastor actually ask each one of us visitors to speak to the children. It was very good experience for me! The smiles and the happiness in their faces was very evident. 

The children practiced songs after services so we could record later on during the day. Just to get 130 kids assembled on the stage for the recording, you need Gods help and patience. Finally we were able to get it done. 

It was very hot and humid today, and my body let me know about it.

After dinner, Miriam brought Alex from the nursery to the dining room. Alex is the 3 year old that was brought here from the remote hills of Haiti. It was from the medical mission that Patty, Renee and Lori participated in. His father left yesterday, leaving him behind. The little boy is not doing well, even though his fragile body seem to heel up little bit, he is still very swollen for malnutrition. Miriam asked, “how dos it feel to hold a dying child?! Well frankly it tears your heart right out. We’ve tried to give him some water, gatorade, rice, but he does no accept anything. He ate little bit earlier in the day, but could not hold it in his stomach that is very filled with worms. He is fighting for his life! Tim took Alex back to the nursery, commenting that in 30 years of his professional experience as a firs responder, he has never seen any one like this. 

All we can do now is pray for his survival and well being. He is in God’s hands! 

10/29 - the next day

I don’t know how to describe this morning. A group of local pastors came to the compound and prayed for kids and the ministry. What became amazing was that the very people that we came to help, the very people that we fell for came to pray for us! They pray because they believe that we are the needy once! And yes, they are so right. What an experience! Something that will stick in my mind for a long time.

Late breakfast due to morning prayers and finally getting few things done. Went through all of the kitchen chairs and reinforced the loose legged once with metal brackets. Went to the local hardware store to pick up supplies and Tim bought Frantzy and Rene pair of steel toe work boots. 

As soon as we came back to New Life, an emergency repair to the water line that one of the boys accidentally broke. Normally it would not be a big deal at home, but over here every project is an adventure. Done just before dinner!

I had few videos for kids for tonight, and even Miriam made an appearance in one of the cartoons. Kids enjoyed the evening and Tim got a first hand experience of the nightly devotional. What a great day! However, still no internet! 

Back in Haiti

Back in Haiti again. It’s been a while, since middle of July, and it seem so long ago that I was here. When we left Chicago this with Tim (retired firefighter) there was light frost on the ground, by the time we’ve arrived in Haiti, it was hot, very hot. The pilot said it was 87 degrees, but the body felt like mid 90’s! Trip was very uneventful, talked with few people on their journey and we’ve made it on time to Port-au-Prince. Going through passport check was really quick today and our luggage (2 - 50lbs bags) were already waiting on us. One of the porters recognized the orange IFJ shirts and told us that Rene was waining. This time out of the baggage claim they check claim checks! Wow, that’s a first time, Haiti is changing! Rene waiting for us with avery big smile. First deep breath brought taste of Haiti (the only deep breath for today), I quickly recognized the smell of Haiti. 

At the compound Patty was entertaining little Patty and Rene and Frantzy’s wives. 

So glad to see them all. Took Tim for a short stroll around the compound, introduced him to many kids as they were calling my name (Mr. Bill, Mr. Bill). Hugs from many, I sure missed that!

We came up with a game plan for tomorrow, had a great dinner made by Rose. Miriam and Sarah came back from the tent city orphanage with 2 girls, and of course more hugs and introductions. Went over to see the kids at the movie night and grabbed a shower. So my body is still in shock, from the frost in Chicago, to heat in PAP and a cold shower, and yet my mind is soooo refreshed. Emotions to see all of the kids are amazing. It seem like it has been so long since I was here, and yet at times seems that I was just here last week (maybe it only felt like that because my wife was here last week and I heard all the stories about the kids). 

I don’t know when I will be able to post since the Internet is down at this time. 

Needless to say, I am looking forward to tomorrow. 

Bill  

IS THERE PURPOSE?

It’s been a few days since returning from the “bush” yet my mind continues to picture the various scenes that remain etched in my mind.  I would love to have a progress report on so many of the lives we witnessed in such despair. 

The wife of the pastor, where we stayed, came to New Life two days ago.  She has come all this way from the mountain to have a simple surgery that is not possible – or for sure not safe to have in a facility there. She was fortunate to have someone who donated the money for her to come for treatment. She spoke to Miriam and me about the terrible need they have for a Malnutrition Center.  It was explained that years ago they built a little building and provided meals for the children and teaching for the parents/caregivers.  Obvious malnutrition had to be present to “qualify” for the help.  While it was a success for a period of time, it was discovered that care givers stopped feeding their children, who in turn became malnourished, hoping they would be included in the program. A type of thinking we can’t imagine.  But now, this woman has a vision of a better way to feed these children and promote good nutrition – she just needs the money to do so.  I want to return home and raise money to keep these children alive, and God will use her to do the hard part.

There are many cultural beliefs and thinking that have been passed on from generation to generation. While it may not make sense to us – or seem logical – it is their belief, just the same.  With education opportunities being expensive and unavailable in many areas, it is difficult to teach an alternative to existing ways of functioning.

I would have to admit that I am fighting discouragement today.    I get overwhelmed and feel like I’ve not really done anything of true value.  I know the enemy is celebrating my feelings and hopes I give up trying.  Then I look out and see all the children here and realize that every one of them is a miracle.  Each one has been rescued from the depths of poverty, or near death illness.  We have a little boy right now struggling to survive. He is in the clinic here at New Life getting care 24/7.  His life would have ended, had we left him in the mountains.  I have to keep reminding myself of the people who WERE helped – and not the millions still struggling.

Yesterday I went to the market with the cook.  It is an open air market with everything imaginable – from food to shoes. The odor is less than pleasant, and you have to avoid walking in the mud and excrement as able.  A woman was selling underwear which were safety pinned to a hanger and she hung the hanger on the basket she carried on her head filled with other random items.  Another woman sat in front of her display of fish which had been dried in the sun, and then fried to a darkened brown.  She had them creatively displayed, hoping for a buyer. I KNEW it wouldn’t be me…

 It was interesting to me that there are people at the market who you hire to walk thru the market with you to carry your purchases, and another person hired to watch your truck (assuming you have one) as you leave the bags in the truck and return for more.  The woman caring the bags for the cook yesterday was very pregnant and frail – yet she carried a big gunny sack of potatoes on her head back to the truck.  I learned that she was having her fourth child and intended to have it at home, as she couldn’t afford to go to a hospital.  When we left she was given change, that was less than a dollar for her many trips to the truck.  As we drove away I saw her approaching someone else, hoping to be needed in an effort to earn more money for food for her family.

I had an experience one day while driving in the mountains.  I felt defeat creeping in and taking over my mind set.  I asked God why He ever sent me to Haiti – or was it ME that thought I should come here which was why I was struggling?  I became very confused and questioned my purpose.  I felt very ineffective and was asking God what I could possibly do here that would bring about change.  I sat for a long time looking out the window at the despair from one little shack to the next.  Thankfully I had this thought that humbled me and gave me strength.  God knows EVERYTHING that goes on here and realizes every mountain and obstacle that stands in the way.  He didn’t tell me, “GO – and don’t come back until you bring about change and help all the people!”  He said, “Go and help the people I place in your path.  You are merely one little thread in the huge tapestry of people who go to make a difference in Haiti in addition to the hard working Haitians who strive to improve their country.  Having the mentality of a “fixer” – I felt like a failure.  But yesterday I had a little boy who kept showing me his drawing after every stroke – he was so proud of it, and I cheered him on.  Another little girl grabbed my hand, led me to a bench and just wanted to be held.  The little boy I wrote about in July, named Son Son who I adore gave me a tight hug at bedtime that seemed to last for hours – then his beautiful face looked up and he said, “I love you very, very much!”  I guess God uses me for the simple things.  So I am determined to keep going, one dear child at a time.

Please keep praying … Patty