It’s been a few days since returning from the “bush” yet my mind continues to picture the various scenes that remain etched in my mind. I would love to have a progress report on so many of the lives we witnessed in such despair.
The wife of the pastor, where we stayed, came to New Life two days ago. She has come all this way from the mountain to have a simple surgery that is not possible – or for sure not safe to have in a facility there. She was fortunate to have someone who donated the money for her to come for treatment. She spoke to Miriam and me about the terrible need they have for a Malnutrition Center. It was explained that years ago they built a little building and provided meals for the children and teaching for the parents/caregivers. Obvious malnutrition had to be present to “qualify” for the help. While it was a success for a period of time, it was discovered that care givers stopped feeding their children, who in turn became malnourished, hoping they would be included in the program. A type of thinking we can’t imagine. But now, this woman has a vision of a better way to feed these children and promote good nutrition – she just needs the money to do so. I want to return home and raise money to keep these children alive, and God will use her to do the hard part.
There are many cultural beliefs and thinking that have been passed on from generation to generation. While it may not make sense to us – or seem logical – it is their belief, just the same. With education opportunities being expensive and unavailable in many areas, it is difficult to teach an alternative to existing ways of functioning.
I would have to admit that I am fighting discouragement today. I get overwhelmed and feel like I’ve not really done anything of true value. I know the enemy is celebrating my feelings and hopes I give up trying. Then I look out and see all the children here and realize that every one of them is a miracle. Each one has been rescued from the depths of poverty, or near death illness. We have a little boy right now struggling to survive. He is in the clinic here at New Life getting care 24/7. His life would have ended, had we left him in the mountains. I have to keep reminding myself of the people who WERE helped – and not the millions still struggling.
Yesterday I went to the market with the cook. It is an open air market with everything imaginable – from food to shoes. The odor is less than pleasant, and you have to avoid walking in the mud and excrement as able. A woman was selling underwear which were safety pinned to a hanger and she hung the hanger on the basket she carried on her head filled with other random items. Another woman sat in front of her display of fish which had been dried in the sun, and then fried to a darkened brown. She had them creatively displayed, hoping for a buyer. I KNEW it wouldn’t be me…
It was interesting to me that there are people at the market who you hire to walk thru the market with you to carry your purchases, and another person hired to watch your truck (assuming you have one) as you leave the bags in the truck and return for more. The woman caring the bags for the cook yesterday was very pregnant and frail – yet she carried a big gunny sack of potatoes on her head back to the truck. I learned that she was having her fourth child and intended to have it at home, as she couldn’t afford to go to a hospital. When we left she was given change, that was less than a dollar for her many trips to the truck. As we drove away I saw her approaching someone else, hoping to be needed in an effort to earn more money for food for her family.
I had an experience one day while driving in the mountains. I felt defeat creeping in and taking over my mind set. I asked God why He ever sent me to Haiti – or was it ME that thought I should come here which was why I was struggling? I became very confused and questioned my purpose. I felt very ineffective and was asking God what I could possibly do here that would bring about change. I sat for a long time looking out the window at the despair from one little shack to the next. Thankfully I had this thought that humbled me and gave me strength. God knows EVERYTHING that goes on here and realizes every mountain and obstacle that stands in the way. He didn’t tell me, “GO – and don’t come back until you bring about change and help all the people!” He said, “Go and help the people I place in your path. You are merely one little thread in the huge tapestry of people who go to make a difference in Haiti in addition to the hard working Haitians who strive to improve their country. Having the mentality of a “fixer” – I felt like a failure. But yesterday I had a little boy who kept showing me his drawing after every stroke – he was so proud of it, and I cheered him on. Another little girl grabbed my hand, led me to a bench and just wanted to be held. The little boy I wrote about in July, named Son Son who I adore gave me a tight hug at bedtime that seemed to last for hours – then his beautiful face looked up and he said, “I love you very, very much!” I guess God uses me for the simple things. So I am determined to keep going, one dear child at a time.
Please keep praying … Patty
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