Yes, I know I stole a line from a Rihanna song, but tonight
it fits. Every night we get together and we talk about God sightings from the
day. Not going to lie, I was dreading tonight’s devotional time. For me today
was filled with hard emotions, emotions I did not know what to do with or how
to deal with. We started the day hopping into the back of an open tap-tap and
driving to Village of Hope. It was really cool to see a different side of
Haiti. We traveled to a more rural area with mountains on either side of us and
the Dominican Republic across the lake from us. It was breathtaking. It always
amazes me the juxtaposition of the beauty of Haiti in the scenery including the
people and the ugliness of poverty, disease and corruption. We got to see the
completed Medical Clinic and tour the school. The medical clinic is gorgeous
with its clean white walls and bright green trim. You could just feel the
energy of what God was going to do with that place just walking through it. I
saw a first grade classroom and it made me very grateful for my own classroom
and the resources that I have available for my students. I found that there are
some similarities between what teachers in Haiti deal with and what I have
dealt with in my own career; students whose only meal is the one that they
receive at school, having to be creative with what resources you do have,
dealing with state testing, etc. 
From there we went to Little Children of Jesus -an orphanage
for people with disabilities. I will never cease to be amazed by how freely
people with disabilities love and accept others making them the happiest people
I have ever encountered. Their joy is truly contagious. We were privileged to
be able to play soccer with some of the staff and kids. The only way I can
explain that moment is one of pure joy. Staff and children both laughing and
running around with the biggest smiles you have ever seen, just to be able to
kick a little ball around. As we have seen time and time again, that little
ball crosses cultural, ability, economic, and gender divides to connect us all.
A favorite moment of ours was when Lavita, an 8 year old girl we brought from
New Life, reached out her hand to a young woman with severe disabilities and
how that young woman grabbed her in a hug. Lavita showed such compassion and
love for that woman she is an example for us all.
You are probably wondering with all of this joy going around
how could I have those hard emotions I mentioned in the beginning. Well, this
is where it starts. Our next stop was Marie’s orphanage. I had stayed with
Marie and worked with her girls 2 years ago with a group from my church. I was
so excited to see some of the girls that I had made connections with that I
almost couldn’t wait. When we got there, my heart broke more than it ever has
in all my time in Haiti. Girls that used to run and jump into our arms with
smiles and laughter were stand-offish, their faces hardened and their eyes
blank with flashes of hurt and anger. My first reaction was anger. What
happened to these girls to make them this way and what could I do to protect them?
I felt as though I had failed them in some way. When you go on a short term
mission trip you have to be careful. Saying goodbye and going home is hard on
you, but harder on those you leave behind. If you are going to form a bond with
someone, you better be prepared to follow through with it. Through
circumstances that we could not control, Impact for Jesus has had to step back
from Marie’s orphanage and just like in any other situation the ones who suffer
the most are the children. They have had their hearts broken more times in
their young lives than any one should ever have to encounter. Please pray for
these girls that God will protect their hearts and that someday they will be
able to run without reservation into the arms of those that love them with
smiles on their faces and eyes clear looking toward the future.
In Haiti girls don’t play soccer, and that’s that. They
might kick a ball around but when the boys come out to play, they are kicked
off the field. You can only imagine how well that sat with 5 strong American
women. For some of us, it was the first encounter with being discriminated
against, for others it hit close to home after a life of fighting against the
gender roles placed on them. Regardless of our backgrounds, we are on a mission
to be an example for the girls for what they can accomplish and what they can
achieve in the future and the confidence to dream.
At times, it feels like we are fighting a losing battle and
it feels hopeless to continue. We have all fallen love with Haiti and it breaks
our hearts that there isn’t more that we can do. I have struggled with not
fully understanding why God has placed me here and the role He has for me. I
have struggled with fitting all the pieces together of how God is working and
understanding the cultural differences and the even the differences among all
of the Americans here working to serve Haiti. I am only a small piece to the
puzzle and sometimes it is hard not being able to see the big picture. What I
do know is that God is continuing to change my heart and has given me a love
for the people of Haiti that grows every day. As He teaches me every day to
trust Him I will continue to take advantage of every opportunity He gives me as
He directs my path.
As I sign off the sun is rising, we are getting ready for a
new day. (No mom I did not pull an all-nighter, yes I did procrastinate.) I
feel like I am back in college putting off writing a paper, setting the alarm
extra early to wake up and finish it with coffee at hand. Let’s be honest I
just wanted to feel young again like Lizzie and Marissa J. It is a new day, a day
filled with hope and the chance to spread God’s love.
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